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Tuesday, January 24, 2012
I did all THAT for THIS? The not-so-sweet experience of Goals without God.I love setting goals. I love being inspired to set lofty personal and family objectives. And I
love pushing the envelope, stretching to see what else amazing life has to offer. But have you ever envisioned
something so wonderful, way off in the distance that you almost died trying to get it. And then when you finally GOT
IT, you wanted to gag? “What kinda mess is this?!” Well, that is precisely what
happened to the children of Israel in Exodus 15:22. Flying high off of a stunning liberation operation from a brutally
oppressive regime, they added some of the most legendary victory hymns to their national repertoire as they marched off into
exhilarating FREEDOM. Both the horse and the rider, He has hurled into
the SEA
Who is like the Lord? Nobodyyyy!
But the vocalists
weren’t the only ones whose throats began to get a little dry. Water, their most powerful weapon in defeating
the enemy at the Red Sea, was now conspicuously absent as they traveled in the wilderness for three days without it.
Three to five days is clinically just about the maximum a human can live without water. So understandably... Goal Number One: Get Water.
When the Oasis of Marah miraculously came into view, it could
not have come at a better time. And since an oasis is literally a fertile or green spot in a desert or wasteland, made
so by the presence of water, THIS goal was of “get rich water
or die trying” magnitude. Or was it? Was the goal really to get water or to get God?
After all, didn’t He just miraculously prove that he knew a little something about the wet stuff?
Let’s
go with the original. Goal Number One: Get Water. And after that business is straightened out, then
deal with God.
But when they got to their oasis, the water was not what they thought it would be. It was
too bitter to drink! So they called the place Marah which means bitter (Ex. 15:23). Wow,
you did it! Girl, you got the BIG office. When can we celebrate?!
Celebrate?! I am swamped
and these people are crazy. The budgets are due and I can’t even unlock the spreadsheets.
Oooh,
I’m loving the new ride! Let’s take a trip up to the Outlets and go shopping!
Shopping?!
I can barely buy groceries with this car payment. What was I thinking?!
Omg, Tyrell is so fine!
How’d you wrestle him off the market?!
Hmph, seems as if he ain’t exactly off the market according
to his new colleague who happens to be my soror!
Why do I have this bitter taste in my mouth?! I’ve reached my goal. I should be so satisfied
and happy. I just about died trying to get to this point. Is this really it?!
This is a hot mess. Whose idea was this anyway? That guy Moses is going to hear it from me. This moving
on to bigger and better is bull!
Then Moses cried out to the LORD,
and the LORD showed him a tree;
and he threw it into the waters,
and the waters became sweet.
Ex. 15: 25 (NASB)
The TREE.
The water was no longer disappointing after the tree got in it.
Sweet.
What I wanted so badly, thought I had to have …for life even, may really let me down.
The oasis I seek is not simply in pursuing the water, but in asking God to show me The Tree.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Spockira It started off as an innocent daily devotional…
Proverbs 27:23
“Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful
attention to your herds;”
…and ended as an admonishment for me to get
my act together.
I have a tendency to resist “careful attention” because “careful
attention” is work and daydreaming is a lot more entertaining. But it wasn't long before these words
began to speak loudly even as I tried to defend my pondering habit.
For example,
lately I’ve been thinking about how being in cahoots with somebody keen on turning the world upside down has
always been my most enjoyable, effective relationship role, both personally and professionally. Conversely, leading
the family and trailblazing “unaccompanied” is not exactly in my comfort zone.
And
frankly, I’m still not sure if I should grieve the absence of that beloved role and move on, OR pursue its RESTORATION
in my life. But when my mind tripped over a Star Trek flashback (yeah, they float around in there), this proverb came
roaring back to me as I tried to make sense of some stream of consciousness journaling...
Thoughts on getting that "Spock" back into my relationships
I think I'm pretty clear on what’s wrong.
I
know where Captain Kirk is.
And knowing the whereabouts of Captain Kirk is very distracting because…
quiet as it’s kept, I am Mr. Spock – or rather, the way FLY-er, Spockira.
And everybody
knows that Kirk and Spock did some crazy damage saving the universe and discovering stuff. ...together. What else in
life could possibly be more appealing? To Spockira anyway.
Yes it's a given
that James T. will go down in history for his unflinching bravery and pithy sayings. But how far could he really have
gotten without Spock’s juice, producing an instant analysis of EVERYTHING as they narrowly averted peril after peril?
...together. Those complimentary personality strengths and that BFF synergy emboldened them like nothing else “to
go where no man had gone before.”
So why is Spockira now out in the galaxy
driving the Starship Enterprise all by herself?!
Did the transporter malfunction? Did the
Captain get blasted into an unsustainable atmosphere? Were his atoms forced into some mutant life form? “Hey! What
happened to the BEAM, Scotty?!”
This “interim captain” assignment has
gone way past its operational peak. Spocks are smart, but they’re not naturally imposing enough to want to dominate.
So for them, the Great Mission can start to feel like the Great Maintenance if they’re forced to run things singlehandedly
for too long.
What I really want is to get back to my comfort zone where The Fine Admiral
spouts bold missives and bad Spockira wantonly slides him color-crunked charts and tweaks sweet systems. Oh, it’s
a beautiful thing.
And therein lies the problem – the big problem of me struggling
because I know exactly where Captain Kirk is!
Ok, now in all honesty, Kirk doesn’t
entirely recognize me right now because his molecules have been scrambled and he’s not quite getting the whole me-and-him-against-the-universe
thing yet. But, I recognize him. And I need him to get with the program because I’m really hard-pressed
to resume what makes me content and comfortable.
But then in classic Spock-analysis form
I am compelled to consider a couple of questions. If I forsake the helm to go on a long, daring "rescue"
mission to get him, who’s going to run the ship? And, what if my plans go badly and I’m left in
a disabled state. Who’s going to run the ship? What if he convinces me to rematerialize and join him on
his new planet? Who’s going to run the ship? What if I veer off course, and run into a meteor
shower endangering us all? What if, after all that time, my rescue mission is successful and I bring him back
to the bridge and he’s some kind of Crazy Captain Kirk?! THEN, who’s going to run the ship?
"Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful
attention to your herds;"
Those are actually my standing orders from
the command center. So, how much "careful attention" for my flock would I really
have left after being consumed with an unauthorized mission?
Thank God, wisdom also travels
at warp speed forcing my Vulcan mind to get back on course.
Yeah, His mercy endures forever.
Proverbs 27 (NIV)
23 Be sure you know the condition of your flocks,
give careful
attention to your herds;
24 for riches do not endure forever,
and a crown is not secure for all generations.
25 When the hay is removed and new growth appears
and the grass from the hills is gathered in,
26 the lambs will provide you with clothing,
and the goats with the price of a field.
27
You will have plenty of goats’ milk to feed your family
and to nourish your female servants.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
A Single Parent Takes Leadership Notes from The President
When a bad situation is getting worse and the signs of rebellion are on high-speed flash, what's a president, or a parent
for that matter, to do?
Make a speech, of course.
As I watched
President Obama's Job's Speech earlier this month, I couldn’t help remarking how, as a leader, he seemed to be wrestling
with similar issues as me, a single parent charged with managing a less than ideal situation while working with less than
cooperative house members.
Now some would say his speech lacked substance.
But I would say it had substance and form. So these are my notes for how it's going down
at the house after taking a page out of the president's book.
1. Come out with your game face on – composed, confident, not playing.
Then tell everybody to sit down.
2. State the problem.
Pres:
Tonight we meet at an urgent time for our country. We continue to face an economic crisis that has left millions of
our neighbors jobless, and a political crisis that’s made things worse.
Me:
This matter is urgent for our family. Money continues to be tight and me having to take off work
to come down to the school today is not making things any better.
3. Address the attitude.
Pres: But the millions of Americans who are watching right now, they don’t care about politics.
Many…are doing their best just to scrape by.
Me:
Now I know you don’t care one bit about what goes on at school or maybe not even at this house because you’re
trying to do you and right now that's getting a little complicated.
4. Address the pain.
Pres: For decades now, Americans have watched that compact erode. They have seen
the decks too often stacked against them. And they know that Washington has not always put their interests first.
Me: Yes, I know in many ways, our circumstances are causing
you to have a hard time. I know it’s tough to be the one always struggling and nobody is even pretending
that they care.
5.
Acknowledge the limitations.
Pres: Those
of us here tonight can’t solve all our nation’s woes. Ultimately, our recovery will be driven not by Washington,
but by our businesses and our workers. But we can help. We can make a difference. There are steps we can take right now to
improve people’s lives.
Me: And
I can’t make that teacher or anybody else like you. But your life’s not driven by what people
think. Your life is yours and right now you and this whole family need some help. Luckily
for you, I’ve come up with something.
6.
State the solution.
Pres: I am
sending this Congress a plan that you should pass right away. It’s called the American Jobs Act. There should be nothing
controversial about this piece of legislation. Everything in here is the kind of proposal that’s been supported by both
Democrats and Republicans — including many who sit here tonight. And everything in this bill will be paid for.
Me: Ok, listen. This is what you need
to do right away. You need to do your homework. And then you need to clean the bathroom
and vacuum the living room. And there should be nothing controversial about what I’m saying since
once you do all that for the next couple of weeks, I can turn your cell phone back on. And then you need
to get a job. Mrs. Jones wants to know how much you’d charge for raking. And that
works for everybody, right? She needs the work done and you want some new gear.
7. Anticipate the objections.
Pres: Now, I realize there are some in my
party who don’t think we should make any changes… I’m also well aware that there are many Republicans who
don’t believe we should raise taxes on those who are most fortunate and can best afford it.
Me: Now, I know you’re not trying to hear this and
you really don’t understand how doing your homework, helping out around the house, and working odd jobs is going to
do anything for your rep. I totally get that.
8. Then re-state the solution a different way.
Pres: This is simple math. (Laughter.) This is simple math.
These are real choices. These are real choices that we’ve got to make. And it’s time for us to do what’s
right for our future.
Me: This is simple math. (Laughter.)
This is simple math. These are real choices. These are real choices that we’ve got to make. And it’s time for
us to do what’s right for our future.
9. Demonstrate
your commitment to the plan.
Pres:
So, some things we can do on our own. Other steps will require congressional action.
Parent:
Now, some things I can do. I can keep these lights on and food in the cabinet. You
won’t have to worry about that. But some stuff, you’re going to have to do.
10. Ignite the vision, rouse some competitiveness.
Pres: Today you passed reform that will speed up the outdated
patent process, so that entrepreneurs can turn a new idea into a new business as quickly as possible. That’s the kind
of action we need. If Americans can buy Kias and Hyundais, I want to see folks in South Korea driving Fords and Chevys and
Chryslers. (Applause.) I want to see more products sold around the world stamped with the three proud words: “Made in
America.” That’s what we need to get done.
Me:
Now you are just as smart as any of them brats. Smarter. You’ve already
done the hard part just surviving. Nobody, who’s anybody, has ever made it without overcoming hard
times and you already have a doctorate in that. So, why not use it to your advantage? You
have intelligence and experience that they do not have. Your brain is a lot more advanced just doing what
you have to do to make it every day. So what would happen if you turned in your homework? Think
about it. You can do what they do but, they can’t do what you do. See?
11. Stimulate brain activity with
a hard rhetorical question.
Pres:
Ask yourselves – where would we be right now if the people who sat here before us decided not to build our highways
and our bridges; our dams and our airports? What would this country be like if we had chosen not to spend money on public
high schools, or research universities, or community colleges?
Me:
I mean just ask yourself – where would we be right now if I wasn't trying to make the right choice
everyday. Hey, I want to be depressed and drop out of life, too. You don't think so?
12. Be real.
Pres: I don't pretend that this plan will solve all our problems. It shouldn't
be, nor will it be, the last plan of action we propose. What's guided us from the start of this crisis hasn't been the search
for a silver bullet. It's been a commitment to stay at it – to be persistent – to keep trying every new idea that
works, and listen to every good proposal, no matter which party comes up with it.
Me:
Real talk - I don't know everything. This is just what I'm coming up with to keep this family
from sinking lower than it is already. D'you have something better? I will sit right
here and listen to whatever you have to say.
13. Empower.
Pres: President Kennedy once said, "Our problems are man-made –
therefore they can be solved by man. And man can be as big as he wants." These are difficult years
for our country. But we are Americans. We are tougher than the times that we live in, and we are bigger than our politics
have been. So let's meet the moment. Let's get to work, and show the world once again why the United States of America remains
the greatest nation on Earth. Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.
Me: [Best Cali-swag voice] " We ain't meant to survive, cause it's
a setup, and even though you're fed up, Huh, ya got to keep your head up". Remember that?
Ok, so we're not living the Life of Riley right now. What are we supposed to do? Die?
No, we have to figure this out. Let's get to work and show the world once again why we are the greatest
success story …EVER. Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America.
He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He
will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He
will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
Isaiah 40:11 (NLT)
Monday, April 11, 2011
Parents as Motivators Must First... Delete the DE-Motivators
About half the job of a motivator is guarding against the
DE-motivators. Leading your family with passion can quickly fizzle out if DE-Motivators aren't effectively identified
and neutralized. Take a look a Joshua for example.
1:1 After
the death of Moses the servant of the LORD, it came to pass that the LORD spoke to Joshua the son of Nun, Moses’
assistant, saying: 2 “Moses My servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over this
Jordan, you and all this people, to the land which I am giving to them—the children of Israel. 6 Be strong and of good courage, for to this people you shall divide as an inheritance
the land which I swore to their fathers to give them. 2:1 Now
Joshua the son of Nun sent out two men from Acacia Grove to spy secretly, saying, “Go, view
the land, especially Jericho.” 23 So the two men returned, descended
from the mountain, and crossed over; and they came to Joshua the son of Nun, and told him all that had befallen them. 24
And they said to Joshua, “Truly the LORD has delivered all the land into our hands, for indeed all
the inhabitants of the country are fainthearted because of us.”
-Joshua 1 & 2 (NIV)
Joshua may have been new to the job
and quite a bit apprehensive but, you have to give him credit. He put ALL his learning
experiences to work, good and bad. He said, "Ok, let me look up in my notes, 'Spying Out The Land
101'. Now, the last time we sent twelve, that didn’t work out too well. Hmmm,
right now I'm thinking TWO is plenty."
Joshua knew, firsthand, the pernicious influence of the DE-motivators. DE-motivators
are surprisingly powerful and should be guarded against at all costs if you want your next generation to possess the land.
DE-motivators can add forty years to you reaching your goal and must definitely be kept out of the picture
when you are trying to move into new, unknown territory. Identify and reach for The Motivators, those who
can believe God WITH YOU even if they have to hide on a roof, slide down some rope, and narrowly escape to the mountains
to keep from getting captured (Josh 2). Motivators will let you know, even when they're out of breath,
"Yeah! <pant, pant> We can do this!" After an encounter with The Motivators,
whatever courage you were lacking will be invigorated and push you, as a leader, into the right direction.
As parents, we have to learn from
the experiences of our parents, mentors, and from our own trials and errors. God has given us
this bird's eye view for a reason: to use these lessons in very practical ways as we lead our children
into a land better than that of those who have gone on before. Ten people might tell you that you are crazy for
believing great things for your children. But be like Joshua. Remember, he was one of
the two faith-filled guys out of the twelve spies from forty years back (Numbers 13). That experience affected
him so deeply that he decided, "You know what? I need some people like ME! Somebody
who's trying to get somewhere. Anybody else is just going to hold me back!"
Motivating our children to conquer new
territory means being on high alert for the DE-motivators. Do what you have to do to create an environment
primarily comprised of Motivators, influencers who believe that God can do the impossible. And, if you
can only find two, REJOICE! Jericho is just a shout away!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Sweat Heart
A
great paradox is that deep fulfilling love is found in sacrifice. This concept really can't be explained
very well theoretically. It's just something you have to experience.
Why? Because
who would want to go through eighteen years of eating last, wearing the same clothes season after season, shunning the "social
scene," and spending more time driving, cooking, washing, lugging, and preparing than sleeping, relaxing, or indulging
in a favorite pastime? Or, for that matter, who would want to get spit in the face, punched, whipped bloody, and brutally
murdered instead of basking in palatial splendor? When you think about it, has anyone ever given their all just
to love you? Out of all the selfishness this world has to offer, why is it that sacrificial love always
stands as having the greatest positive impact in our lives? How is it that a single guy, just 33 years old,
has come to epitomize the very essence of love in a culture dominated by retail exchanges, sex, and the party life? The
answer is …sacrifice. Sweethearts can never compare to Jesus' heart sweating great drops of blood
in prayer to be able to bring us in (Luke 22:44). It sounds so obvious but, God IS Love (1 John 4:8).
He made the whole thing up. And then, kindly, He let us in on the secret. “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends”
(John 15:13). If you feel like you've never had anyone
love you "to death" remember, Jesus did. And, Jesus isn't a manipulator. He
didn't then turn around and ask you for your car keys or to borrow $50 bucks. He was brutalized so you
could have a chance to be with Him forever, even though we bring nothing to the table.
Today, "love is in the air".
But, don’t be fooled. Be encouraged. Your sacrifices are not futile.
They are LOVE.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Teens Gone Crazy TV
One morning around mid-August, I woke up and thought I saw a van outside my
house. A wash of relief flooded my entire body as I thought, "Thank you Lord! This explains everything!
Yes Lord, let me tidy up because the people in that Teens Gone Crazy TV van are gonna knock on this door at any moment
... or Ashton Kutcher, or a Punk'd producer, or SOMEBODY ‘cause the foolishness going on in my house right
now cannot HARDLY be for real!" What in the world! Now, my three (yes, THREE) teens
are typical teens and they have all had their share of ups and downs but, I think they must have gotten into a huddle or something
and said, "let's just go for broke and see what happens!" I mean they had the whole insanity spectrum covered
from severely bananas on the mild end, all the way to ok-somebody's-about-to-make-me-catch-a-CASE. I was going through
boy-crazy-itis, refusing to go back to school, piercings debacles, nasty attitudes, temper tantrums, later than normal nights
out... and that's just the MILD stuff! I was like, "have y'all lost your minds?!" Now I was good for a while there in the beginning because, of course, I'm the Cap'n of This Ship, I've been doing
this teen thing for a minute... and... I got this. I'll just say a couple of demon-binding phrases, demand what IS and
what IS NOT gonna happen in MY house where I pay fo' E'RYTHANG (don't get it twisted) and then we'd all be good to go.
And to be honest, I actually think that held back a lot of what could have been MUCH worse. But, as the summer wore
on, I began to encounter a "series of unfortunate events" IN ADDITION to my trip to parenting gehenna. Back-to-back,
I had to manage a sequence of calamitous circumstances that eventually started to take a toll on my "fortitude".
As I redirected my efforts to prevail in one area, it was like I was running out of gas to be strong in other areas. And such is the case of the single parent. When you are the working, head of a household who is
also raising children, you have a lot of plates in the air. The single parents that I am privileged to know are nothing
short of miracle workers as far as I'm concerned. But, I will say, in our dilemma there is something that puts the single
parent in a class by him/herself... "Man's extremities are God's opportunities."
...and while this spiritual principle is by no means the exclusive domain of the single parent, we sure get a
lot of chances to put it to work! One day, as "working on fumes" was becoming more and more of
a reality for me, I read Psalm 57:1: Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful
unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities
be overpast.
At that point, I felt like all I could do was crawl under those wings
for refuge and hold on until all the calamities just passed by. Truthfully, in retrospect, God was seeing me through
each test. But back-to-back like that, I just was losing my vigor to keep fighting. I was running out of steam.
I was spent. I had to beseech God for a miracle. I asked some friends to pray too because we all
know that isolation is one of the most defeating tactics in the enemy's toolbox. Many times in the wee-hours of the
night, it was like I would hear voices saying, "how can you have a single parents group with those Bebe kids?!!"
So, I didn't actually want to ask my friends to pray but I needed that "two can put ten thousand
to flight" (Deut. 30:32) working for me in this spiritual battle. My own prayer efforts also got a
major overhaul. I went from "routine" prayer to a whole new level of time, effort, frequency, duration,
scripture referencing*, fasting... I mean, the whole nine! When you've run out of psychological interventions and you
can see the train wreck about to happen, your view of God's ability to deliver becomes acute. Today as
fall approaches, I have to tell you, it is literally a new season "at the spot." It's like night and day.
The way the kids are performing in school and their activities, and speaking (to me and others) like they've got some sense,
eating normally (yes, I had some issues with that nonsense - both ways! haha!), and actually showing ... do I dare say it...
a little maturity is nothing short of miraculous. Now, it's not utopia (rooms could be a lot
less disastrous!) and I anticipate that I'm going to have to KEEP on praying with this same level of intensity 'til the last
diploma is signed. BUT, it sure is a FAR cry from that seed of Chucky foolishness! (Where's the news van?!) Let's continue to hold each other up in prayer. Parenting is HAAAARRD! It takes a whole chunk right
out of you, if you'd be honest. But, God promises that we will reap in due season... if we just hang in there! And
let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. Galations 6:9
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Job Title: Parent* (*Faint of heart, need not apply)Relationships come in many forms and were created by God to support us, sustain us, and swaddle us
with love and joy. In fact, one of the key characteristics and benefits of being part of the body of Christ is our loving
devotion to "one another." John 13:34-35 (NIV)
"A new command I
give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are
my disciples, if you love one another."
"By this" caring demeanor alone
(surprisingly, not by your Zinman fur or your fierce whip) will people be able to tell that you're even saved. Why? Because,
if the truth be told, that real, stick-with-somebody-even-when-they're-completely-unlovable LOVE is a tough, tall
order. Just ask a parent. Now, I was always of the opinion that the parent-child relationship was basically a
sterile, one-way relationship with the parent providing all support, including emotional support, and expecting basically
nothing in return from the child except for him or her to become an independent, responsible adult. And, that's probably good
in THEORY but, as I continue in my studies, I'm starting to think even God might have a problem
with that one. Read the following passage twice - once now and then once again later. Does God's expression remind you of
some things that you can relate to as a parent? (The second time you read it, have a little quite time with your Father as
you substitute your name for Israel/Ephraim.) Hosea 11 (NIV)
God's Love for Israel
1 When Israel was a child, I loved him,
and out of Egypt I called my son.
2 But the more I called Israel,
the further they went from me.
They sacrificed to the Baals
and
they burned incense to images.
3 It was I who taught Ephraim to walk,
taking them by the arms;
but they
did not realize
it was I who healed them.
4 I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties
of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them.
7 My people are determined
to turn from me.
Even if they call to the Most High,
he will by no means exalt them.
8 How can I give you
up, Ephraim?
How can I hand you over, Israel?
My heart is changed within me;
all my compassion
is aroused.
9 I will not carry out my fierce anger,
nor will I turn and devastate Ephraim.
For I
am God, and not man-
the Holy One among you.
I will not come in wrath.
10 They will follow the LORD;
he will roar like a lion.
When he roars,
his children will come trembling from the west.
Israel's
Sin
12 Ephraim has surrounded me with lies,
the house of Israel with deceit.
And Judah is unruly
against God,
even against the faithful Holy One.
What a powerful illustration
that parenting is not for the faint of heart! If you have been through some challenging ups and downs with your kids, as you
can see, God really does understand. Parenting with all your heart is by no means a euphoric continuum. Frankly, there are
times you will wonder what hit you. These are the times when you truly begin to understand that only God can produce in you
that "love is patient" spirit. That's why I love books like "The Hurting Parent: Help and Hope for Parents
of Prodigals" by Margie and her son Gregg Lewis. Christian parents get so discouraged when, at times, "train up
a child" just seems like an empty catchphrase. A parent can hurt. And, it's a crippling, debilitating ache that only
comes from selfless love. If you are at a time when you're feeling the weight of parenting, it is not a sign of weakness.
You're a parent! Real love means that there were times when you held on through the pain. Don't "rebuke" the cry
in your heart. In fact, this is the perfect time for God to move! His strength is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).
Jesus said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 5:3). Believe it or not,
God's promises are actually found in your very position! Psalm 25 (NIV)
9 He
guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way.
12 Who, then, is the man that fears the Lord? He will instruct
him in the way chosen for him.
13 He will spend his days in prosperity, and his descendants will inherit the land.
Declare the word of the Lord and call on God to move in a mighty way. And then after you petition heaven,
find *support! Limbs and organs and cells will die separated from the rest of the body. We need "one another." Jesus
commanded us to love one another. He knew if we were to pour out the kind of intense love required to raise these children,
we would need to refill and be refreshed by the support of "one another". That's why it's a command! God, our parent,
always gives us the wisdom required to succeed. We just have to honor His parenting and follow His instructions with the same
sincerity we desire to see in our children.
*The Bethany Single Parents Group meets every first
Friday...
Friday, June 18, 2010
I'd like to introduce you to your real Father...
Every year, I give my mom a Father's Day card. She was
the only parent I had. I know now that must have been so hard.
We
were the lone single parent family on the entire block and mom had to raise us with a "frugal creativity" that was
nothing short of genius.
When I think about the miracles
she had to pull off every day (getting us to school, going to work sometimes with no car, cooking, cleaning, paying bills),
I now understand how I was subtly introduced to my real Father.
Thanks Mom. He is one awesome Dad!
Psalm 68
For the
director of music. Of David. A psalm. A song.
1 May God arise, may his enemies be scattered;
may his foes flee before him.
3
But may the righteous be glad
and rejoice before God;
may they be happy and joyful. 5
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows,
is God in his
holy dwelling. 6
God sets the lonely in families,
he leads forth the prisoners with singing;
but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. 19 Praise be to the Lord, to
God our Savior,
who daily bears our burdens.
Selah 35
You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary;
the God of Israel gives power and strength
to his people.
Praise be to God!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
WAR-ship Leader!
*re-printed from the
Mother's Digest Section of Bethany's Women2Women Ministries E-News, June 2010 Edition
Sometimes
after God brings you through a battle, you feel like singing. "When leaders lead in Israel... Bless the Lord!" rocked Deborah in the book of Judges (5:2, NKJV).
But well before this song of victory, Israel was in a state of
total disarray. Without a leader, the people had chosen new gods and there was war in the gates (Judges 5:8). This may sound familiar to those of us with teens and pre-teens in the house!
There was no civility, and order was nowhere to be found. In fact, Deborah recalled in her chorus:
"Village life
ceased, it ceased in Israel Until I, Deborah, arose, Arose a mother in Israel" (Judges 5:7)
Deborah could see where things were headed as the people drifted away from the Lord. The bondage
and upheaval they were experiencing was a disaster growing worse by the day. Somebody had to declare the
words of the Lord and courageously move in God's direction even though it meant a fight was certain. Tired
of living in defeat, Deborah "arose" not knowing how but trusting God's promise to deliver. Even
still, the battle that she faced was daunting and it was real. Ultimately once the fight was underway,
God stepped in and miraculously defeated Israel's enemy, Sisera, at the hands of an unlikely warrior, Jael, a shepherd's
wife.
Israel enjoyed peace and rest for forty years.
When leaders lead - Bless the Lord! Ask God to give you the courage to lead your children,
your staff, and all those over whom you have influence. Their deliverance depends on it. Your
praise repertoire will benefit greatly, too!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A Time To Laugh And A Time To Cry
A Sunday school teacher was giving her young pupils the "prep" talk before they were to leave class
and join their parents in the sanctuary. "And, why must you be very quiet when you enter the service,"
she implored. Always the first to answer, Li'l Precious spoke right up, "because people are sleeping
in there!" What makes you laugh at a joke? The surprise ending, of course.
A joke's construction is always the build up of narrative tension and the release of that tension in an unexpected
way which, if done right, invariably produces laughter. And we like when things surprise us in harmless,
witty ways. We always giggle at that narrowly avoided collision while still managing to keep the coffee in our mugs. An
unanticipated play on words or being totally stressed out about something only to find out it that was a practical joke or
a wacky misunderstanding will usually result in a good chuckle, too. But, there are other more sobering
theories as to why people laugh. For example, formally trained psychologists, well-versed in Freudian and
other classical themes might claim something like: The second kind of laughter is a reaction
to feelings which make one uncomfortable and have been censored from consciousness. These emotions of discomfort
can include feelings of degradation, unsuitability, aggression, and superiority. Thus viewed, laughter is
a bodily reaction to the stress of denying these feelings, a safety valve for the release of repressed discomfort.1
Well now that ain't
funny at all. And I bet more than a few of us can relate. For example, have you ever
been so down on yourself for so long that when somebody mentions all the wonderful possibilities they see in you, you just
react with a big ol’ laugh? Yes? Then come on in and take a seat next to Sarah
of Genesis fame because that is exactly what happened to her.
Gorgeous, traffic-stopping Sarah was, at 90, simply “wo’ out”.
She started off as the fair-haired girl with all of life’s possibilities in front of her and ended up with nothing
to show for it but a lifetime of tragic disappointment. And to make matters worse, as First Lady, Sarah
couldn’t even mourn her fate. She just had to keep showing up everyday for Abraham and the household
like everything was totally cool. All that hurt was repressed, “censored from consciousness,”
buried looking for an emotional escape valve. She couldn’t have a nervous break down because people
were depending on her.
But, she could laugh. Laughing was a tension reliever that would keep
everybody sufficiently unsuspecting. Yeah, she could laugh to keep from crying.
Genesis
18:10-15 (NIV)
10 Then the LORD said, "I will surely return to you about this time next year, and Sarah your
wife will have a son." Now Sarah was listening at the entrance to the tent, which was behind him. 11 Abraham and Sarah
were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.
12 So Sarah laughed
to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?" 13 Then the LORD
said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, 'Will I really have a child, now that I am old?'
14
Is anything too hard for the LORD? I will return to you at the appointed time next
year and Sarah will have a son." 15 Sarah was afraid, so she lied and said, "I did not laugh."
But he said, "Yes,
you did laugh."
This account of Sarah's reaction is a textbook case of a “release
of repressed discomfort”. Sarah was like, “Hahaha, yeah right. That’s
real funny, dude. A baby is only what I’ve always wanted and now that I’m positive that it
can’t happen and have even kinda reconciled to this horrible inevitability, you tryin’ to tell me some ‘Get,
Get, Get Ready’! The comedy club is two tents over, honey. And get me some stitches
on your way out, ‘cause I’m about to split a side.”
But, her real feelings were more like,
“Hey, you must be new around here. I know I look good but, do you have any idea of how OLD I
am? This is so painful to me and I really don’t want to think about how angry I am for ever believing
that God could even do something extraordinary in my life. Why are you even bringing this up?
I’m so upset right now, I want to take this mallet and pound you like a tent peg. But since
you’re a distinguished guest in our home and I’m sweet First Lady Sarah … hehehe… I’ll just
react with a real hearty laugh and nobody gets hurt."
But sure enough, God called her on
it! Unlike your friends, He is not skerred or fooled by something that sounds merry but really ain’t
right. God put her dysfunction on blast. So much so that she tried to lie.
That’s when you know somebody has pulled out the library card and read you like a book. But
why? Why did He keep coming back to that seemingly innocent issue? What’s the
big deal?
God knows that faith for the impossible is a very serious issue. Generation-changing faith
cannot coexist with any maladaptive coping mechanisms of UNBELIEF - like laughing when you're really hurting because you're
not sure if God will ever come through. And living in denial is not going to cut it with Him either.
You might want to lie to yourself but, when you're in a relationship with God, He will make you face your issues.
“Yes,
you did laugh.”
God’s Word will find you every time. This week a friend said
something so affirming and positive to me. What was my first knee-jerk inclination? Without
even thinking, second-nature almost took over and the edges of my mouth were set to rise. How could those
lovely, encouraging sentiments be about me? I mean, I KNOW me and believe it, I wouldn’t phrase things
quite that way. But, since I found myself so clearly in the story of Sarah’s penchant for laughter,
I DID NOT GIVE IN to that spasmodic contraction of the diaphragm.
I actually paused and let those words minister to
me. Whoa…
Is anything too hard for God?
1 - Ragland, M. E. (1976). The language
of laughter. SubStance, 5(13), 91-106.
Friday, January 1, 2010
First Day of 2010 - Jumpin' off with a Word!
It's the first day of the new year!
You know I gotta plug the Bible Reading Plan to start the year off right!
I love reading Genesis. There are so many life giving precepts there - the most obvious being God's creative
word. If God's words can transform "nothing" so powerfully, what would happen if you began applying
His Word daily to your heart and life? It seems mysterious but, as far as I'm concerned, I ain't got nothing
to lose! I believe we get hoodwinked every day into missing this powerful source of personal transformation.
Hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok!
Another favorite passage for me of this Day One reading is Genesis 2:18-25! Oh
yes, the primo account of:
And the LORD God said, [It is] not good that the man should be alone; I will
make him an help meet for him. (v. 18, KJV)
I love this scripture so
much because the very next verse seems to have NOTHING AT ALL to do with the continuation of that "hookup"
promise:
v. 19 - And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the
air; and brought [them] unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that [was]
the name thereof.
Where'd that come from? When you read those two verses
together it's like God says, "I don't like you being alone. Stay right here. I'm
gonna do something about this." Then the ground starts shaking and dirt starts flying… and
out pops a bear! What the… What am I supposed to do with that?!
Now if you'd be honest, the Bible just put you on blast, right? (Like Bishop says, "Read it.
It's all right there!") Why is the bear, the "every beast of the field"
verse next?
(yes, "every beast of the field"! OMG! That's
a BLOG RIGHT THERE! Let me stay focused! haha)
Why doesn't the hookup verse IMMEDIATELY follow the promise verse?
Looks like Adam has
got to CORRECTLY NAME these beasts FIRST, ultimately concluding that none of these animals
are for him (v. 20).
And then after THAT, he gets the real
hookup (...finally in v. 21).
Okay, I'm gonna leave it alone. That's just a little
light-hearted Single Parents food for thought brought to you today by the Daily Reading Plan. Please devote some time each day to meditating on the Word. God will change your life!
(and occasionally have you cracking up!)
Psalm 1 today is also powerful. If you want to be like
a tree firmly planted (or more correctly translated TRANSPLANTED) by STREAMS of water, bearing much fruit, you have to do
what verse 2 says:
But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate
day and night.
The Message translation of Psalm 1:2,3 says,
...you thrill
to God's Word,
you chew on Scripture day and night You're a tree replanted in Eden,
bearing fresh fruit every month.
Now that's prosperity - spiritually, emotionally, and commercially!
What a wonderful promise from God to start off this 2010! What more could you ask for? Now let's
get after it with Him leading and us reading!
Saturday, December 12, 2009
A Free Weekend
On Fridays and Saturdays I'm usually on a tear. It's the single mom way, right? But
something unusual happened this weekend. Football season is over and Saturday morning dance rehearsal for
my youngest was cancelled. I had a completely overbooked, event-filled previous weekend but, this weekend
was relatively obligation-free. It wasn't even my choir's Sunday to sing!
<Crickets chirping>
I'm realizing now that "busy" is a good friend
to "spiritually empty".
In the meantime, my daily Bible readings were birthing dust bunnies because I
usually hit them like clockwork on the train to work early in the morning. But all this week I was toting
mountains of papers for a project due, canned foods and polyannas for office holiday matters and that made me want to drive
instead of hauling all that stuff through turnstiles. I was so preoccupied and busy, I really didn't even
appreciate that something vital in my spiritual life had been disturbed. So when I woke up without that usual overwhelming "taxi"
pressure, I started getting all melancholy and woe-is-me-y like, "what's wrong with me? This is a
weekend off. I should be jumping for joy." I had lost my base – my secure attachment to the One
who defines and empowers my life's pursuits. In launching from my secure base (my directive Word AND love
relationship with God), I was out there "doing it." But, I forgot to keep touching
back. So, I'm out there "doing it" and all of a sudden, emotionally, I'm feeling like
I'm stranded on desert island lonely, confused, and depressed. So, I started reading a few things, since I had some me-time, and nothing
was making me feel any better. Then I thought, "hey, why are you reading all this stuff and haven't
hit the Word!" Ouch. My pen was still in the place where I last left off…
Psalm
121 (NLT)
A song for pilgrims ascending
to Jerusalem. 1
I look up to the mountains—
does my help come from there?
2
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth! 3 He
will not let you stumble;
the one who watches over you will not slumber.
4 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
never slumbers
or sleeps. 5
The Lord himself watches over you!
The Lord stands beside you as your protective
shade.
6 The sun will not harm you by day,
nor
the moon at night. 7
The Lord keeps you from all harm
and watches over your life.
8
The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
both now and forever. I think
I underestimated the essentiality of God in keeping me from becoming a mental basket case. Ah, thanks great
Father. I needed to find you again. Your presence shores me up and your love encourages
me to "get after it"… with your leading. Your wisdom shows me what moves (or pauses) I
need to be taking and your Word supports me and gives me hope.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Life Is So "Daily"
Yesterday I got some bad news.
This was an unwelcomed punctuation to a back-to-back series of other "pretty challenging" events.
(I'll stop shy of saying "mild calamities"!) My churchy logic said, "ok, you are
under attack, gurl. This is good. The devil is mad and you are closer than ever to yo
breakthrough!" But what I really said was, "Lawd, WHY! I don't understand. Jesus,
you got to help me! What is going on!"
No surprises there, right? Nothing super-spiritual. Just the classic knee-jerk
response to getting the wind knocked out of you. Now of course, we know that "somebody" once
stood flat-footed and sang, "It Ain't Over 'til God says it's over". What a nice melody.
The words are touching, too. I could croon that all night long. But, to "minister"
it… ahhh… you got to know a little bit about it. (Believe me, singing is not exactly the
glamorous affair it may come across as. There's alot to that bad boy!)
So as many of you know I have the habit of doing, I start praying and whining,
sitting in proverbial sack cloth and ashes crying out, "God, you have to talk to me. I'm confused.
I'm just trying to do what you're telling me so why is this happening? You have to help me.
This can't keep up. I feel like I'm out here all by myself and you are, where? How
are you ever going to give me some feedback, talk to me, answer me? I'm lost right now and I need some
HELP!"
Then as you also know,
I usually reach for my reading passages for that day. I was so down though, I really didn't have any lofty
expectations. I probably was just doing it out of habit more than anything.
So, now I'm just sharing. I have no brilliant, exultant conclusions
except to wonder at God responding to me in such precise tones.
Psalm 112 (NLT)
1 Praise the Lord!
How
joyful are those who fear the Lord
and delight in obeying his commands.
2
Their children will be successful everywhere;
an entire generation of godly people
will be blessed.
3 They themselves will be wealthy,
and their good deeds
will last forever.
4 Light shines in the darkness for the godly.
They
are generous, compassionate, and righteous.
5 Good comes to those who lend money generously
and
conduct their business fairly.
6 Such people will not be overcome by evil.
Those
who are righteous will be long remembered.
7 They do not fear bad news;
they confidently trust the Lord to care for them.
8 They are confident and
fearless
and can face their foes triumphantly.
9 They
share freely and give generously to those in need.
Their
good deeds will be remembered forever.
They will have influence and honor.
10 The wicked will see this and be infuriated.
They will grind their teeth
in anger;
they will slink away, their hopes thwarted.
(emphasis, mine)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Reigning Men, Conclusion*(*see 10/13/09 for Part 1 and 10/17/09 for
Part 2)
As God would have it, my One-Year daily Bible reading plan has positioned me in
the oh-so-timely book of 2 Timothy. I know this was by divine design as we wrap up our "Reigning Men" and
"Raising Him Alone" prerequisite work, taking a look at young male identity construction and our roles as single
moms in that process. Check out God's incredibly specific communication to us. (You gotta love it!): 2 Timothy 1:1-7 (NLT)
This letter is from Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by God's
will, sent out to tell others about the life he has promised through faith in Christ Jesus. It
is written to Timothy, my dear son. May God our Father and Christ Jesus our Lord give you grace, mercy, and peace.
Timothy, I thank God for you. He is the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did.
Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. I long to see you again, for I remember
your tears as we parted. And I will be filled with joy when we are together again. I know that
you sincerely trust the Lord, for you have the faith of your mother, Eunice, and your grandmother, Lois.
This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on
you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
Now
I'd like to take a station break right here to plug a daily bible reading plan which is how I just recently stumbled upon this perfect passage. It's almost unnerving to actually experience
the living, guiding quality of God's Word. God's Word is alive (Heb 4:12). When you have questions, God really
wants to answer. Unlike other religions, Christianity, amazingly, boasts a deity or a God who actually wants show you
the way (Isa 30:21). And you can tune into His Word at any time to discover what He wants to tell you. Give the
daily bible reading plan a try. Even when you're "off-schedule", His Word will still speak. Take for instance this the
one time I was praying and for some reason, the phrase "broken heart" came to me. I felt like God was saying,
before you move into other new and deeper and more successful relationships, you need to come to grips with the crippling
effects of broken-heartedness. Well, of course nobody wants to do that! That's a move towards some pain that I
would much rather keep submerged. Now, from a healing perspective my attitude is not good. But,
since I am allergic to tears (those kind anyway), I ain't exactly rushing to take the "Have you really healed from a
broken heart?" test. So later that morning on the train, I was reading, trying to "catch-up" (I wasn't
even on the right reading plan day!) when the living Word jumped off the page, literally stating just what I'd tried to squash
earlier. Lamentations 2:11 said, "I have cried until the tears no longer come; my heart is
broken." That really rattled me. Then verse 19 gave me my instructions, "Rise
during the night and cry out. Pour out your hearts like water to the Lord. Lift up your hands in prayer, pleading
for your children." I was like, "What! Stop playing! This ain't even the right day!"
Wow. Tailor-made therapy – an intervention, a diagnosis, and the healing prescription. And, I didn't even
know that's what I needed. But God knew. Yes, God wants us to be healed, He wants us to prosper. In His
infinite mercy, He's provided a way to get His message to each of us personally and individually. We just have to decide
to meet Him where's He's speaking. Ok, so back to what God is telling us about our young men. First let's appreciate
this passage for who it's written to. The apostle Paul is writing to Timothy – a highly regarded young man, successfully
living out some heavy responsibilities that have resulted from him hearing and answering the call of God on his life.
There are two wonderful principles in raising young men that we can glean from in this passage:
1) Relationship dynamic
specifics and 2) Male identity defining fundamentals. First, this passage lets us know that our young men need fortifying
relationships. It stands in contrast to many a holy-ghost-woman-basher and it seems to be endorsing the idea that
fellas need their mommas and their grandmommas. Timothy's mother and grandmother were women of faith. Paul said
that Timothy trusted the Lord because he had the "faith OF" his mother and his grandmother.
This is a powerful revelation. We can use this to actually claim in prayer that our sons acquire the life changing
"faith of" their mothers and grandmothers. (And of course, we gotta have some ourselves! ha) Additionally,
there was no mention of Timothy's father but, Timothy did HAVE PAUL in his life. Read both books of
1st Timothy and 2nd Timothy. Their relationship was not a casual, "hey buddy, how's soccer this year?".
Paul was pouring into this young man's life and Timothy was fashioning his sincere, problem-solving, prayerful, leadership
character right after his own faith giant mentor, Paul. Also, note, note, note – Paul was not Eunice's boo! Paul
had respect for Eunice but his interest in Timothy was God borne. Now since it is abundantly clear how influential Paul
was to Timothy, we should really begin to pray in earnest for "Pauls" to come into our sons lives. In fact,
let's do this collectively the next time we get together. I think that would be powerful. Secondly, and this is
where we will conclude our original Reigning Men consideration, in this passage God is showing us the basic tenets of a masculine
identity. In verse 7, Paul says, "God has not given us". This is a
verse so often quoted by believers, we sometimes overlook the explicit nature of this writing. Paul, the male mentor,
is writing to his protégé Timothy. "Us" is literally those two guys, Paul and Timothy. Paul
is saying, "Tim, you know us – we men aren't fearful, nervous wrecks. God has given us men a certain
character, a certain masculine identity the foundations of which are these three key areas: POWER, LOVE, and SELF-DISCIPLINE
." Paul laid it all out right there. Godly "manliness" is comprise of these three rudimentary components. Power
is efficacy or ability. The belief that you have what it takes to be make some stuff happen and the track record to
back it up. Love in this context is the greek agape – not eros or phileo. God's love is a transforming,
powerful love that makes a man regard and love himself and will make him sacrifice (like Jesus did) for the good of others. Finally,
self-discipline or as some translations put it, "a sound mind" is what we see missing in so many of our lost youth
today who follow whatever the culture's propaganda is dictating at the moment. Paul wants Timothy to know how important
self-discipline is to being a man who will eventually have to discipline others. These days, self-discipline may be
one of the most underrepresented manly qualities of all. Yet, people love and respect men (young and old) who have this
powerful strength of character operating in their lives. In closing this topic (for now), if you are a mom rearing
boys, please realize today that God knows and He cares. Timothy is our example of what a young man's identity should
have at its core. More importantly though is the fact that God's Word is there to help us (even if it seems like we
are at a disadvantage) to be the moms that we are supposed to be and to help us raise up these awesome, "Reigning Men."
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Guy I.D. for DummiesBefore I get back to the conclusion of "Reigning Men" I want to introduce an important topic
that I wish somebody had clued me in on before now. Many of us already know that during adolescence a teen is struggling
to form or construct his identity. This maturation is what adolescent development is all about. However, for many
young males, constructing their masculine identity is a real source of anxiety. In the relatively new field of Masculinity
as a psychological research category, boys are reported to be constantly looking for clues to a masculinity they can don.
One source reports: “To be a man is to carry a tape measure by which you
measure yourself in relation to the world”
(Kriegel, 1979, p. 34).1
These
words are useful in describing the way young men learn to evaluate their masculine identity against those around them,
particularly other men.2
Men also consider women in their self-evaluation processes.
In his famous letter addressed to all black women, Eldridge Cleaver wrote: "I want you to know
that I feared to look into your eyes because I knew I would find reflected there a merciless indictment of my impotence and
a compelling challenge to redeem my conquered manhood."3
As moms and even as potential
mates to the bros, this identity issue may be a concept that we have to become very sensitive to.
In fact, men
and women all need to become more sensitive and considerate of each other. I can't tell you how offended I used
to get by high and mighty speakers that would say things like, "Only a man can show a man how to be a man!"
As a struggling mom trying so hard, that seemed so preachy and useless. It was like they were indicting the single mom
from their little perfect nuclear, breadwinner/homemaker situations and were totally disconnected from "life on the street".
I would be like, "alright then, come on... where y'all AT?! 'Cause who do you think was the last one to give
Baby Boy a sandwich? I'm pretty sure you got to be alive to be a man, too!"
Anybody who has boys knows that just feeding them will take every dime you have, so somebody telling you what you STILL ain't
doing right usually don't know how close he or she is to finding out what PMS really stands for (Potential Murder Suspect)!
ha When we are so self-righteous, opinionated and insensitive, and then when people overreact defensively,
I can guarantee you, nothing constructive is happening. That posture pushes people away. An in-your-face, unsympathetic,
blame-sounding approach is what turned me off from hearing some otherwise probably constructive precepts.
The prophet
Isaiah says of Jesus, "a bruised reed, He shall not break, a smoking flax He shall not quench" (Isa
42:3). If your brother or sister is a hard-head, then let 'em have it - with both guns. That's
what Jesus did with the Pharisees. But if they are sincere and are trying to do right but are just having
a rough time, don't make them feel worse by being all loud and condemning. Tenderness and kindness towards those who
are already damaged is a WAY underutilized first approach.
(ok, that was a sidebar that I just threw in for free!
We're back and I'm staying focused...)
So as you can see, research brings to light that males struggling to find,
adopt, and live up to an idealized masculine image is a real issue. But doesn't it also make sense that it's a God-issue?
Genesis 1:26a, 27a
And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness
So God created man in his [own] image, in the image of God created He him
It's all there.
Man's thirst to find an identity or a likeness was planted by God. It's a divine compulsion even if the path taken to
satisfy it is not always divine. Now that I understand that, I have a new appreciation and even tolerance of
the "measuring tape" preoccupation and the complications that sometimes ensue.
... not trying to judge,
just trying to unpack... (For now, anyway! ha)
1
Kriegel, L. (1979). On men and manhood. New
York: Hawthorn Books.
2 Adams, L., Govender, K.; "Making a Perfect Man": traditional masculine ideology and
perfectionism among adolescent boys.;
South African Journal of Psychology, Aug2008, Vol. 38 Issue 3, p551-562.
3 Eldridge Cleaver, Soul on Ice (1968; repr. New York: Dell, 1992), p. 189.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Reigning Men
I love the idea of manhood! Especially as a symbiotic foil to womanhood culminating in the phenomenal
exploits that only a well-oiled team could pull off! That had to have been God's design in the Garden.
So
what, the devil, happened? How did we get to, "She's not meeting my needs" and
"He just doesn't understand me". What's that all about? I
was always the kid to ask the questions – a trait that, as you can see, has not diminished with age. Seek
and ye shall find. That’s my motto. So it really tickled me when I found out that
my grad program offers a totally legit, full-credit class on the black male. Is that crazy?
I was like, all this time there's been a class on this?! (haha) Is there a certification,
too? I'm trying to tell you. Doubtless to say, research for this class has been fascinating.
It seems that masculinity as a social construct is not static. As society changes, the ideals of
manhood can change right along with it. For example, in the early 1900s, fraternal organizations like the
Prince Hall Freemasons and Marcus Garvey’s United Negro Improvement Association constructed a masculine identity that
borrowed heavily from the Victorian ideals of the dominant American culture's self-made man. To be of “manly
character" was to possess and demonstrate the three primary qualities of Producer, Provider, and Protector. Contrast
this with the next generation that intensely rejected this self-restrained bourgeois manliness. The Jazz
Age would usher in a new era of mass culture, self-gratification, and consumption that would be emotional in its expression
through literature, music, dance, sexual relations, and social awareness. “The Sweetback” was
becoming a new masculine ideal.1 Now it stands to reason that if you think manliness has Victorian
qualities and Tyrell is over in the mirror spritzing his hair, y’all might not be seeing eye-to-eye on some things even
though neither one of you can really pinpoint how you constructed your ideas of manhood – let alone, which one is “right.” So
what does God say? As single moms raising young men and as card-carrying Adorers of the Brothas, that’s the question
we have to consider.
1 Martin Summers, Manliness
and Its Discontents: The Black Middle Class and the Transformation of Masculinity, 1900–1930 (Chapel Hill: University of North Carolina Press, 2004)
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
A Queen's QuestThe book of 1 Kings Chapter 10 recounts
Israel's majesty under the resplendent reign of King Solomon. This chapter is truly the high point of Israel’s
ancient history. Unfortunately by Chapter 11, spiritual bankruptcy starts to wreak havoc on the once mighty
empire.
Ah, but Chapter 10 is a glorious
affair made even more noteworthy by the introduction of a phenomenal character: The Queen of Sheba.
Reading about her celebrated arrival into
Jerusalem was captivating. Still I wondered why the Bible even bothered to record this visit at all. Solomon
was a king who reigned over kings (1 Kings 4:20–21, 24-25; 2 Chronicles 9:26). Surely he received
royal guests with regularity. Why all the fuss about this monarch -- Her Royal Fierceness, The Queen of
Sheba?
1Ki 10:1 When the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon's reputation, which brought honor to the name
of the LORD, she came to test him with hard questions.
1Ki 10:2 She arrived in Jerusalem with a
large group of attendants and a great caravan of camels loaded with spices, huge quantities of gold, and precious jewels.
When she met with Solomon, they talked about everything she had on her mind. (NLT)
Sheba or Saba was said to have been a wealthy
country with a complex irrigation system that transformed the desert into a fertile paradise; hence its formidable yield of
lush vegetation and coveted spices. Sheba is also said to have been ruled by queens for over 1000 years!
Ancient texts even refer to a law established in Sheba that only a woman could reign, and that she must be a virgin
queen.
Virgin queen. No
partner? (I feel my bond with her intensify!) Makeda, her Ethiopian name, was
establishing trade routes and trade agreements, commanding the military, forming governmental alliances, securing civil law
and order, protecting and developing the citizenry, advancing the GNP, overseeing the religious system, enriching and expanding
the empire -- all as a virgin queen?
And when the Bible mentions “she arrived with
a great caravan," it means she did not travel lightly. Historians detail 797 camels each loaded with
300 – 600 pounds of gold, gems, and precious spices. Makeda commandeered 300 – 400 attendants
and royal guards on a six month trek safely through the desert (can you imagine seeing that coming up over the horizon?) to
arrive in Jerusalem the only way she knew how - "Correct!". Solomon received her graciously and spent a notable
amount of time with her.
When she met with Solomon, they talked about everything
she had on her mind. That must have been some meeting of the minds!
"So whatcha got Solomon?"
"Oh, I makes do, Makeda. What you got?
I see you working wit a li'l sumpin'! I like that camel."
"Yeah, well you know, the spice business is 'hot'
right now. tee-hee."
"Oh, spices must be blazin' out in Sheba! heh, heh."
"Very funny. Seriously though, you know our systems are phenomenal but I was having some labor issues..."
"Really? Some labor nonsense tried to jump off here not too long ago but you know
I had to squash all-a dat! heh, heh…"
"No kidding? Please, enlighten a sista…"
(Jacqui's tired-rap interpretation)
When two people whose brains are
both in HIGH gear engage each other, they revel in the encounter bearing feelings of intensity, curiosity, and admiration.
Solomon looked at Makeda and said, "If I were a woman, THAT would be ME!" Makeda had the
same thought!
The Bible ends the story
with their insane gift exchange before Makeda's departure (1 Kings 10:10, 13) which MUST have broken Solomon's heart.
How else can you explain his 1,000 women in Chapter 11 verse 3 who, incidentally, turned his heart away from the
Lord (v. 4) and put Israel on the path to apostasy?
Oh how the company we keep impacts us so significantly.
A thousand mediocre mates could never replace one great Sovereign.
Friday, August 7, 2009
D.R.A.M.A.It’s been a while since I’ve been to a really good drama – on the stage! Sometimes
I think, why spend money on theatre passes? I’ll just pretend this is not my life and watch this
show LIVE. Broadway ain’t got NOTHIN’ on me. In fact in my case, reality
trumps the best fiction and I’m about to call Tyler Perry! With so many incidental, unsolicited (but fully cast!) scenes
that just don’t seem to end up on the cutting room floor, my drama detector is on high alert with a backup power
supply! I am becoming a professional “Avoid The Drama Queen.” I feel like
I can almost smell it while it’s still just in the mixing bowl, stirring up that flavor that I’m sure to choke
on. People might confuse my posture for apathy. But it’s really a desperate attempt
to conserve energy because once that’s exhausted I am literally good for nothing. Drama is consuming. It
has taxed my time, my health, and my money – sucking me dry every which way. Now, I think of D.R.A.M.A.
as an acronym: Distractions
Ruining
And
Minimizing
Achievement
You know that's true! Just look at Sampson (Judges 13 – 16). He
had some drama with him! And you know he was fine – hair flowing, muscles popping! He
was even ordained. But too much drama! His first wife ended up getting killed
fooling with him. Delilah’s rep STILL hasn’t recovered! Oh yeah, he had
some serious POTENTIAL. He was called to deliver Israel and was packing everything he needed to do it.
What he could have achieved for himself and the nation is mind-boggling. But drama literally cancelled
all of that out. Now I’m not nearly as loaded as Sampson. So if drama took him down … all
them rowdy phone calls can go right to voice mail. I ain’t the one. I need that
energy to scale this (HIGH) wall standing between my now and my hard-earned, fabulous future. Or, I can waste it on some D.R.A.M.A.
– Distractions Ruining And Minimizing Achievement!
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Summer Poetry
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God's workmanship(Greek: Poema
- A spoken work of art), created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Feel
free to share a summer poem on this blog.
-Jacqui
----------------------------------------------
square peg
square peg
so singularly square
encased
by unrelenting angular protusions
exposed
bereft of primative precision
diminished surely
yet
without contour
square
peg
turning
circling
appropriating
arcs
quieting quadrature
craving classification
among
circumferences
(Jeremiah 29:11)
Some Haiku*
Shades
of Light
Intentionality beams
A multifaced stream
wielding a blaze
of love
(John 9:5)
Cookout Coup
-an
anthropomorphic retrospective
Corny Cob grillin'
Sweet Butter cold chillin'
bound to melt down fast
(Phil. 4:8)
* As you can see you don't have
to be a poet laureate to try it! Please join me and post a Haiku or two (remember 5-7-5) by clicking the "Blog
your opinion" button in the upper right corner!
Saturday, July 18, 2009
An A-Fair of the Heart
I once heard someone say that God was the ultimate single parent. However, I didn't know
He was divorced, too. The third chapter of the book of Jeremiah says,
During the reign of King Josiah, the LORD said
to me, "Have you seen what fickle Israel does? Like a wife who commits adultery, Israel has worshiped
other gods on every hill and under every green tree.
I thought, 'After
she has done all this, she will return to me.' But she did not return, and her faithless sister Judah saw
this.
She saw that I had divorced
faithless Israel because of her adultery. But that treacherous sister Judah had no fear, and now
she, too, has left me and given herself to prostitution.
Israel
treated it all so lightly--she thought nothing of committing adultery by worshiping idols made of wood and stone. So
now the land has been polluted.
But despite of all this, her
faithless sister Judah has never sincerely returned to me. She has only pretended to be sorry.
I, the Lord, have spoken!"
Jeremiah 3:6-10 (NLT)
Wow, God sounds crushed. It seems like love has taken God on "the ride".
I didn't know it was possible that God could be susceptible to "the ride," but in this passage He shows all
the signs: the hurt, the disappointment, the ache of cold-blooded rejection, a divorce. The
pain of it all is so sadly familiar. But how could God have gotten himself into this?
Why can't He just count up the high cost of love and leave it alone? (...like I do...) …because God IS
love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son
into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved
God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.
1 John 4:8b-10 (NIV)
Ah yes, love. The
laying down of you for the building up of another. How can that sound so ultimately utopic and downright
horrifying all at the same time? It must have something to with the gamble-like qualities of love where
the critical safeguarding of your heart is paramount and where the crux of the gamble is all about that fickle "object"
of the love. That's what you have to watch out for, that love object. For example, if
the "object" of your love is one who also subscribes to the sacrificial premise of love, "Bet!", life
is good, everybody's happy, no worries, mazel tov. However, if the object of your love is selfish, self-serving,
self-absorbed, and never pays you a "lick of mind" until he wants something and then if he can't get it from you
he'll just roll on to the next … well, you just happed up on an all-day, all-weather, all-season
pass to "the ride."
Unfortunately, when I think about it and if the truth be told,
I may have also handed God a ticket to ride. In Jeremiah 3, God continues to pour out His heart:
“I thought to
myself,
‘I would love to treat you as my own children!’
I
wanted nothing more than to give you this beautiful land—
the finest possession
in the world.
I looked forward to your calling me ‘Father,’
and
I wanted you never to turn from me. Jeremiah 3:19 (NLT)
God is so transparent, so vulnerable.
He is wearing His heart right on His sleeve - right above the armband that I gave Him (that's the unlimited ticket
upgrade) to "the ride." He wants me. I reject Him to do my own dumb thing.
He calls me. I don't pursue Him. He offers to guide me. I
don't study His instructions or ask Him to get involved. I don't spend time with Him. I don't spend
time with Him because what's most important to me is Me. When I get in trouble, I lead Him to believe
that because I don't smoke or drink (which is only beneficial to me anyway), that we're buds and that He owes me.
But what I never think about is how He might feel about my hustle, how it's so not real love, and how He's on "the
ride" because of me. It's so moving to know that God experiences and intimately relates
to my own broken heart. God help me that I may never relate to being a heart breaker.
(*Read the first three chapters in Jeremiah and spend a little time with the yearning,
longing heart of God.)
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